Day 9 Self-Channeled Reading

I did not do a reading for the 9th day. I was in a very negative space, seriously loosing faith in all of this, which led to feelings of anger and resentment. Basically, I begin (and I have gone through this before) to feel like none of this is real. I have this theory that rises with my anger that this is one big cosmic joke on humanity. I fantasize that we (planet earth) are like a comical reality show for the universe. I imagine "aliens" up there laughing at how we'll do anything and how gullible we are. I imagine them watching us do our Reiki, yoga, or other energy work thinking ourselves to be these powerful beings and them rolling on the floor with laughter. I get mad wondering why it all has to be so damn difficult. If we are truly god and powerful co-creators of the universe why do we have to be so ignorant to all the secrets? Why is everything done in codes and matrices that we can't see or understand? Why can't we all communicate with angels, celestial beings and the ascended masters? And I get so angry when it is pointed out that I do get messages, which is true but most of the time I don't know what the hell to do with the information so I think..... what use is it to me. Again, anger at why it can't just be a bit more clear so we might understand a little better what heck is really going on.

Well enough rambling. I thought it might be beneficial to someone who might stumble across my blog to know why I did not do the day 9 self-channeled reading. Onward and upward I hope!
Christine